underwear

was it about little boys spending a day without pants on that makes them think that they are getting away with something?
do little girls do this too?
elijah is screaming about how he's having a pants off dance off... i need to stop teaching him things.

sore

woke up this morning so super sore. i wondered if it was all the exercise, or perhaps the odd half sleep on the couch with the baby, or the odd passed out sleep in the bed with a 3 year old laying on my back.... turns out it's just lame girly-ness and i'm unexpectedly super early. i haven't started birth control since having micah but i think it may be time to look into it, just to get on a schedule. boo stupid body.

food

so my husband and i have started cutting into our sleep time at night by doing the p90x workout.. (ouch, btw) and it started me thinking on what we eat. how much good is working out going to be if i'm eating caramel popcorn and soda everyday? this has also come at the same time i received my first crock-pot (yeah!) so i am starting to go through my cook book and take out all the things i will never take the time to make (hazelnut crusted chicken with gorgonzola sauce), the things that are truly horrible for us (the peanut butter and bacon cookies are staying i don't care what anyone says), and add in new things, specifically crock pot choices. i'm hoping that i will start taking the time to really learn how to cook and take the time to make my family healthy meals (but mcnuggets are so handy!) and hopefully get elijah to try new things (he ate steak for the first time last night) so wish me luck on the sticking with the fitness and with the being a more responsible, health conscience cook! happy new year everyone!

cooking

i am not a big cooker. usually some pasta or raman noodles i added some extra stuff to. but i got a crockpot for christmakkah and am starting to compile recipes. the idea of it just cooking all day while i'm home with the boys and not have to take hours out of my life to cook makes me really happy... here's hoping a get some awesome ideas and put them to good use.

i'd rather...

be doing practically anything than watching more football. it is my husbands only day to sit around and watch what he wants and i want to spend time with him (which is why i'm not in the bedroom watching a movie) and so i'm forced to watch hours on end of football i couldn't possibly care about less. i'd really rather be playing the zelda game (NERD!!) but the wii is in the den and the tv in the bedroom isn't connected to a tv signal so it only does movies- can't kick the hubby in there. or i could be working on my husbands christmakkah present.. but since he's in the house it sorta limits my availability to do that. so i'm suck. on the couch. with bad tv announcers. blargle.

been a while

it's been some time since i've posted anything and i thought- what a shame- perhaps not for you, maybe you haven't missed it. but i think there is something about writing down your thoughts that helps you work through things... and i can always use the help. :)

things are finally starting to get back into a normal flow here after such a long time out of town. after the horrible car wreck there was the death of my grandfather, followed by a horrible fight between my mom and her brother (who is complete db and not missed but it still upset her to let go of him so soon after loosing her dad), then thanksgiving. a lot of time was spent in the car which i'm still not super comfortable with. it may be silly but i keep thinking about all the what ifs that could happen and freak myself the hell out. the brain- it's a weird place. and a lot of time was spent with family. some times it was for good reasons sometimes... not as much. but it was good getting to see them. i saw them more during the month of november then i have in the last year. sometimes i hate that my family and i live so far away from each other, and from my husbands family too.

speaking of rickys family - i'm going to be an aunt again! kevin and hillary are expecting a little girl. can't wait for it... and i hope kevs brain doesn't explode.

glad things are starting to calm down around here and the boys can get back to "normal".. or as normal as we ever are.

different/same

things have really changed for me in the last month. from the giant car wreck, and having to buy a new car to my granddad passing away and all the things that brings and takes away i have been an emotional roller coaster.
when driving to sherman, tx for the funeral my husband ricky told me that i wasn't driving like myself, that i was intimidated by the other drivers. that i was scared of what they might do. i told him that wasn't true. i'm not intimidated... i'm terrified. the thought of being put in the situation where this thought has even the slightest chance to cross my mind freezes me up: are my kids still alive? if you are a parent then you know how debilitating this question is. so scared of having to ask that question again. ever.
and i know its somewhat 'litle girl' of me but... i miss my granddad. it broke my heart every time i saw him for the last year or so because i always thought 'this could be the last time i see him alive.' he was frail and weak the last few times i saw them that he was almost unrecognizable from the strong, confident man i had known my whole life. i will miss him dearly and hope that, if there is a life after this one, he and my gran are getting to see each other again. he's missed her badly.
just a reminder to you and to myself that this life will end one day. if we like or not we will one day the people we love will have to say goodbye to us and be left behind. do not forget to tell them while you can all the things that they mean to you. soon it will be too late and possible unexpected. i was lucky that i had so much time with my granddad and that knew the end was coming, so many others are not so lucky. remember when you wake up in the morning that this day could be your last day. do not put of the things you want or you may never get to see them accomplished.

http://youtu.be/penzsVANV0k