endings

and so the time has come.. i am no longer a breast feeding mother...

this is a strange thing for me.

on one hand i'm totally excited. i get to drink and eat what i'd like and not worry about things like: it it too spicy for the baby? i can really start exercising (his one may seem weird but i know a lot of moms who's milk dried up after hard days of working out and i'm like the size of a small car these days- i'd like to correct that) i don't have to worry about finding a private place to pump or a relaxing chair to feed in. the feeding responsibilities (which have always been an 80/20 split) can now be split more evenly because i'm not a needed component any longer.

on the other hand i'm totally distraught. i no longer get to have my little one snuggled all close to me that way. i'm no longer the thing he needs to thrive (since breast milk is best). i'm now super worried about his digestion because of how much formula he'll be drinking. feeding is no longer just between me and my micah. and i will never get to experience it again (as ricky and i do not plan on having any more children).

i have never held back from the fact that i don't really like breast feeding. not because i don't understand its importance or because i'm super weirded out by having my kid eat from my breasts, but because i always found it slightly awkward and neither of my children were very good latchers. it also took FOREVER to feed that way. perhaps i have been lost to the land of instant gratification or i'm just super impatient.... or both. but i could pump in about 10 minutes, i could make a bottle of formula in about 1 1/2.. it took about 20 minutes, some times much much more, to feed from me. and when i feed brom a bottle i don't get blisters on my nipples.... just sayin. now i will get to have my body back just to me. its been almost a year (to the week) that i got pregnant and for the first time in 11 1/2 months i belong only to me (no matter what the hubby says).

while i was enjoying the extra calories being burned and the uterus shrinking benefits of breast feeding and i'm not looking forward to starting visits with 'aunt flo' again any time soon, its time. micah is young enough that he will not be upset by this and he takes to the bottle like a champ so no worries there. a friend, who has a son a few months older than micah, has more than her fair share of milk and her son does not take to the bottle like a champ.. or at all. so we are lucky enough to have been gifted with a entire drawer in our freezer full of her expressed milk. this will keep micah drinking more breast milk rather than formula (this is also a relief to our pocketbooks) and i'm so grateful that he will still be able to get the benefits of breast milk, even if its not mine.

i'm far more hormonal and upset about saying good-bye to breast feeding than i ever thought i would be.. but there it is.. i'm a sad camper....
but look who is here to cheer me up! mr. negra modelo! i've missed you too! now that i'm not breast feeding we can be friends again!

...now where are the limes?