Friday, July 22, 2011
%$&*%@*#$!!!!
starting to have a slight freak out about whats going to happen in a couple of weeks when ricky goes back to work and i'm at the house by myself 6 days, 5 afternoons and 4 (or more) nights a week.... when will i sleep? when will i see my husband? when will i get to talk to people who are my own age and who can carry on a conversation? especially if i end up not going back to work. right now i'm not sure that its worth it. i'd only be available saturday afternoons/nights and sundays.... would i even be making enough to cover the cost of gas out to gtown? i know that i wan tto work full time at a spa/resort/hotel after i get my license but what if i'm stuck working at a place like massage envy only making $15 an appointment and not knowing when/if i'm going ot be scheduled? how will we make ends meet? how can i possibly feel good about myself if i'm not contributing to the household? and yes i get that taking care of the kids is a contribution but the idea of having to be a dependent again.. to be completely reliant on rickys money makes me burst into tears.... it makes me feel like a child.....
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I know how you feel!! Unfortunately, Billy had to go back to work just one week after Brooklyn was born, and 3 of those days I was stuck in the hospital. Needless to say, I was very overwhelmed. I can only imagine how you must feel as you have two kiddos to care for!! As for adult conversation, if you ever need any just give me a call. You can get my number off of my FB page or email me and I will give it to you!! I will probably be in just as much need for it as you!!!
ReplyDeleteAs for feeling dependent on someone else, I know how you feel. Just remember that you know what is best for your family, and no one else does. The decision that you make will be the best decision for your family and that is all that matters!! I got a lot of grief for going back to work. I was told that I would miss Brooklyn's many milestones of her growing up, but I feel that going back to work is good for us, as I want to give Katie and Brooklyn the things that they want as well as be able to take them on the trips that I never got to take as a kid. It may seem overwhelming, but just remember, your a GREAT mama and you will work everything out!!!
whats unfortunate is that i would like to go back to work. but i don't get enough hours at my current job to pay for daycare and unless i get something new (which i'm going to start applying to places as soon as i get my license) i'll have to stay home with the boys. and i feel like a crap mom for not wanting to stay home with them. i love them but i just don't think i'm cut out to be with them 24/7. i went back to work with elijah and i never felt like i was missing anything and i had my own money to pay my own bills and what not. maybe its just that i feel like i'm being forced to do something instead of choosing it myself... blah.
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