things have really changed for me in the last month. from the giant car wreck, and having to buy a new car to my granddad passing away and all the things that brings and takes away i have been an emotional roller coaster.
when driving to sherman, tx for the funeral my husband ricky told me that i wasn't driving like myself, that i was intimidated by the other drivers. that i was scared of what they might do. i told him that wasn't true. i'm not intimidated... i'm terrified. the thought of being put in the situation where this thought has even the slightest chance to cross my mind freezes me up: are my kids still alive? if you are a parent then you know how debilitating this question is. so scared of having to ask that question again. ever.
and i know its somewhat 'litle girl' of me but... i miss my granddad. it broke my heart every time i saw him for the last year or so because i always thought 'this could be the last time i see him alive.' he was frail and weak the last few times i saw them that he was almost unrecognizable from the strong, confident man i had known my whole life. i will miss him dearly and hope that, if there is a life after this one, he and my gran are getting to see each other again. he's missed her badly.
just a reminder to you and to myself that this life will end one day. if we like or not we will one day the people we love will have to say goodbye to us and be left behind. do not forget to tell them while you can all the things that they mean to you. soon it will be too late and possible unexpected. i was lucky that i had so much time with my granddad and that knew the end was coming, so many others are not so lucky. remember when you wake up in the morning that this day could be your last day. do not put of the things you want or you may never get to see them accomplished.
http://youtu.be/penzsVANV0k
